Wednesday, December 25, 2013

How to Get the Most out of Your Gifts

The excitement of getting what you wanted (or the disappointment if you didn't) soon begins to wear off.
An introspective piece I wrote 3 1/2 years ago might help you to find the deeper meaning in the things you have, and why the object of your desire can seem so important.
This was written in the summer of 2010, four years into the real estate crash, locally. I had been in real estate for 15 years, but we moved to this area just as the market started to slide.
This was not a pleasant time for us, so there is a lot of depth to my introspections.

Moments of Reflection
 
I turn 45 today. Kind of hard for that to sink in, actually. So I have been doing a little reminiscing. Have been out of touch with so many for quite a while, and I don't like it. Getting on Facebook is a start to rekindling the relationships with people important to me.
The last few years have been brutal. I have seen so many homes that families have lost, and it has had an effect on me. Sometimes the homes are trashed out, showing the anger the people had in losing something that meant a lot to them. Other times they are meticulous, showing the love they carried even when they knew it was not going to be theirs much longer.
I've shown homes once, and gone back for a second showing and find the people gone. Sometimes their belongings are at the curb, or inside, left behind. Shutting down emotionally has just been a reflexive reaction for me to continue and not feel too much of the pain myself.
Unfortunately, I have found that I have been shutting down more and more. Starting to just go through the motions in areas of my life. The excitement and passion that have so often lead me just kind of fizzled out.
We went camping in Orlando over Memorial Day weekend. In a tent.
We don't like tents. Bugs, dirt, rain, cramped quarters. Not so fun. We like space, and really enjoyed the comforts of home when we had our big two-bedroom camper. But we were in a tent.
There was boating, eating, fellowship, volleyball. Lots of vollyeball! Exciting games that were played with passion, the way games are meant to be played!
The blood blister just came off my toe this weekend, it's been several weeks. And that didn't even hurt compared to the body aches we had. There were some games that ended after midnight. Quite a bit after midnight! We played hard for three days.
If you play hard on a regular basis, it is excercise. If you do it once or twice a year, it is ABUSE!!! But there is one thing you know for sure when you are hurting... I'M ALIVE!!! Not a zombie, not just taking up space, but actually alive.
That was a good thing to be reminded of!
Forty five years old.
Kinda thought I would have more trips, more toys, and more time to enjoy them at this point.
There have been some awesome trips in the past. Beaches, mountains, cabins, condos, lakes, oceans, cruising, flying, theme parks, swimming pools, white water rafting, more beaches, woods, golf, dinners, theaters, hot rods and muscle cars. Big cities, small towns. Good friends and fellowship. All kinds of trips. But none planned right now.
We have been on boats of every size, from kayaks to cruise ship. Skiing and boating on Lake Michigan, inland lakes, rivers, the intracoastal waterway, the Gulf of Mexico, the Inside Passage of Alaska, and more. But there isn't even a canoe here now.
Camping can be year round here in Florida, but didn't start until spring up north. Sitting around a campfire getting deep into the philosophy of life. Lots of memories from Hardy Dam, inland lakes, PA hills, Florida. Convention isn't exactly camping, but campers are involved and all kinds of memories there.
Road trips in fast cars. Loud cars, Beefy Muscle cars. Or the smooth whoosh of cruising along in a V-12 powered BMW. Street Machine Nationals. Burn out pits on state highways. The blur of scenery. Great memories with good friends and cars. Yeah, we like cars. but there is not a toy car in my driveway now.
I admit, the empty toy box bothered me. We have had so many good times playing with our big boy toys.
Forty five. So soon old, so late smart.
It is starting to dawn on me that it isn't the stuff I am missing. It is the connection with those who are important to me.
The boats, the cars, the campers, the trips. They wouldn't have meant much without the people who were there. The stuff was just a prop, sometimes just a distraction. The fun and fellowship is what I really remember. And I want it again.
A fabulous meal isn't all that great by yourself. I had some wonderful steaks on the grill by myself when Marci and Belinda had already moved to Florida. The steak I will have tonight will be much better, because Marci will be here to share it with me.
You risk pain when you care deeply. The excitement and passion only come when you care, so the risk must be worth the reward. We didn't have a dog for a couple of years after Mercedes had to be put down. Now there is Jazzy, and what a little heart-stealer she is! Because we care about her, we are risking the pain of losing her at some time in the future. We are also reaping the benefits and accumulating the memories that only she could create.
In every area of life, there is risk if there is a reward of any kind.
We built our real estate business largely on passion and excitement. We cared deeply, and people could tell. They were attracted to that and knew we would go above and beyond for them. We even had clients become friends because of the connection we made.
For a while, I have lost that intensity, but I am finding it again. Yes, I am risking disappointment if I care very much, but I have to care! A life of going through the motions just to avoid some potential hurt is just not a great life.
So, to those who are important to me and feeling neglected, I apologize. I have missed some family functions. Know that I have truly MISSED them!
The human connection and personal interaction that we have had in the past wasn't about the things we were doing or the props we had on hand, it was about the individuals involved, and I am grateful to be reminded of that again.
Let's remember the good times we have had, and plan some more for the future!
All the Best!
Jim 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Don’t Show the Boss Your Goals!


Think you don’t need to set goals just because no one expects you to? You should consider goal setting even if your job doesn’t require a business plan and a plan of action, because your life is not your job. If it is, that is even more reason you need to set some goals! 

Having written goals works, and not having written goals works against you.  

Which is more important: Written Goals, or a Business Plan? Is there a difference?  

The approaching dawn of a new year is a time of reflection on where we are, and where we want to be in the future. This is the time to evaluate what worked, what didn’t, and what we are going to do differently to attain better outcomes in the next twelve months.  

Many conversations and helpful articles pop up regarding business planning and goal setting at this time of the year. Anecdotes abound showing the power of written goals and specific, measurable action steps to achieve them. 

It has stood out to me this year that you need both Aspirational Goals and also a Specific Business Plan. 

But don’t show the boss your goals! 

Your boss wants to see your business plan if you are in sales or an industry where your activities generate business. It needs to have the action steps broken down into a daily plan of action so that you know what you need to do each day to accomplish the daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual benchmarks.  

The thought that goes into deciding what you want to accomplish, and then breaking it down into bite size tasks, significantly improves the chances for success.  

Your business plan will likely be shared with your supervisors and co-workers on your team. Holding each other accountable helps tilt the scales in your favor. 

However, your goals probably should not be shared with very many people. Your boss may not see how you could accomplish them working for him, and could discourage you from pursuing the things that give wings to your hearts’ desire.  Some of your close friends and family will also ridicule your goals. It is easier to crush someone else’s dreams than to go to work improving your own life.  

The doubts that reside inside you don’t need to be fed, they need to be eliminated! I am going to briefly touch on goal setting, and encourage you to explore the topic further. Much has been written about the life-changing act of dreaming on paper.  

What makes goals so different from a business plan? Many people use the terms interchangeably, but I am going to stop doing that myself.  

Search the phrase “Business Plan 2014” or “business plan template” and you will have plenty of sources to walk you through the process. Many of them are quite similar. 

Goal setting is not as precise, and the recommendations on how to set goals vary dramatically.

Even the types of goals you are told to focus on seem to be opposites: 

SMART Goals:

·       S – Specific (or Significant)

      ·       M – Measurable (or Meaningful)

·       A – Attainable (or Action-Oriented)

·       R – Relevant (or Rewarding)

·       T – Time-bound (or Trackable)
 

 HARD Goals Achieve Results

  H- Heartfelt: Your goals enrich the lives of others, not just others.

  A- Animated: You can vividly picture how great it will feel when you achieve your goals.

  R- Required: Your goals are absolutely necessary for you and/or your family.

  D- Difficult: You will have to learn new skills and leave your comfort zone to achieve your goals for this year.

Some thought leaders suggest that your goals should be reasonable so that you can lay out a plan on how to achieve them. Others say that if you have any idea how you can accomplish it, then your goal isn’t big enough! 

One term used is “BHAG” (Big, hairy, audacious goals).  

BHAG goals are definitely the ones you should be careful who you share them with. A SMART method goal-setter will tear you up with questions on how you think you are going to accomplish that?!?! Then they will write them off as a pipe dream and may even take opportunities in the future to ridicule you and your foolish exercise.  

That touches on the topic of “Stretch Goals”: Goals that are big enough to move you into action and that will require you to learn new skills. Everything around you that man has built started as a dream. Some of those dreams were ridiculously big! 

It is preferable that you are dreaming big during the initial goal setting exercise. Some questions to help you get the juices flowing and open your mind to possibilities that you keep deeply buried:

·       What one great thing would you dare to dream, if you knew you could not fail?

·       If you received $1 Million today, tax free, how would your life change? Or $10M?

·       If you had unlimited time and unlimited money, what would you do with your life?

·       What do you want to Do, Be, Have, Achieve? 

You want to set goals in all areas of your life so that you maintain some balance.  

Physical and financial seem to top the list of New Years’ Resolutions. Healthy and Wealthy, anyone? 

You also want to have family, career, spiritual, educational and attitude goals.

Lifetime, 10 year, 5 year, 1 year, and 6 month goals.  

Find a quiet, auspicious place to brainstorm. Revisit your lists later and ask “WHY?” as you review the goals and dreams you have written. That will help you to prioritize and also can reveal the true motivations of your heart.  

Search the phrase goal setting, or pick the books off your shelf with goal setting exercises, and let’s get started on a great new year! 

Jim Sweat is the author of the upcoming book Real Estate CSI: Controversy, Secrets, Insight. A Real Estate Agent Exposes Dangers and Dirty Tricks That Cost You Money

He has proven that having written goals works, and not having written goals works against you. Jim’s first time to set goals was just prior to beginning his 19 year career in real estate.