An introspective piece I wrote 3 1/2 years ago might help you to find the deeper meaning in the things you have, and why the object of your desire can seem so important.
This was written in the summer of 2010, four years into the real estate crash, locally. I had been in real estate for 15 years, but we moved to this area just as the market started to slide.
This was not a pleasant time for us, so there is a lot of depth to my introspections.
Moments of Reflection
The last few years have been brutal. I have seen so many homes that families have lost, and it has had an effect on me. Sometimes the homes are trashed out, showing the anger the people had in losing something that meant a lot to them. Other times they are meticulous, showing the love they carried even when they knew it was not going to be theirs much longer.
I've shown homes once, and gone back for a second showing and find the people gone. Sometimes their belongings are at the curb, or inside, left behind. Shutting down emotionally has just been a reflexive reaction for me to continue and not feel too much of the pain myself.
Unfortunately, I have found that I have been shutting down more and more. Starting to just go through the motions in areas of my life. The excitement and passion that have so often lead me just kind of fizzled out.
We went camping in Orlando over Memorial Day weekend. In a tent.
We don't like tents. Bugs, dirt, rain, cramped quarters. Not so fun. We like space, and really enjoyed the comforts of home when we had our big two-bedroom camper. But we were in a tent.
There was boating, eating, fellowship, volleyball. Lots of vollyeball! Exciting games that were played with passion, the way games are meant to be played!
The blood blister just came off my toe this weekend, it's been several weeks. And that didn't even hurt compared to the body aches we had. There were some games that ended after midnight. Quite a bit after midnight! We played hard for three days.
If you play hard on a regular basis, it is excercise. If you do it once or twice a year, it is ABUSE!!! But there is one thing you know for sure when you are hurting... I'M ALIVE!!! Not a zombie, not just taking up space, but actually alive.
That was a good thing to be reminded of!
Forty five years old.
Kinda thought I would have more trips, more toys, and more time to enjoy them at this point.
There have been some awesome trips in the past. Beaches, mountains, cabins, condos, lakes, oceans, cruising, flying, theme parks, swimming pools, white water rafting, more beaches, woods, golf, dinners, theaters, hot rods and muscle cars. Big cities, small towns. Good friends and fellowship. All kinds of trips. But none planned right now.
We have been on boats of every size, from kayaks to cruise ship. Skiing and boating on Lake Michigan, inland lakes, rivers, the intracoastal waterway, the Gulf of Mexico, the Inside Passage of Alaska, and more. But there isn't even a canoe here now.
Camping can be year round here in Florida, but didn't start until spring up north. Sitting around a campfire getting deep into the philosophy of life. Lots of memories from Hardy Dam, inland lakes, PA hills, Florida. Convention isn't exactly camping, but campers are involved and all kinds of memories there.
Road trips in fast cars. Loud cars, Beefy Muscle cars. Or the smooth whoosh of cruising along in a V-12 powered BMW. Street Machine Nationals. Burn out pits on state highways. The blur of scenery. Great memories with good friends and cars. Yeah, we like cars. but there is not a toy car in my driveway now.
I admit, the empty toy box bothered me. We have had so many good times playing with our big boy toys.
Forty five. So soon old, so late smart.
It is starting to dawn on me that it isn't the stuff I am missing. It is the connection with those who are important to me.
The boats, the cars, the campers, the trips. They wouldn't have meant much without the people who were there. The stuff was just a prop, sometimes just a distraction. The fun and fellowship is what I really remember. And I want it again.
A fabulous meal isn't all that great by yourself. I had some wonderful steaks on the grill by myself when Marci and Belinda had already moved to Florida. The steak I will have tonight will be much better, because Marci will be here to share it with me.
You risk pain when you care deeply. The excitement and passion only come when you care, so the risk must be worth the reward. We didn't have a dog for a couple of years after Mercedes had to be put down. Now there is Jazzy, and what a little heart-stealer she is! Because we care about her, we are risking the pain of losing her at some time in the future. We are also reaping the benefits and accumulating the memories that only she could create.
In every area of life, there is risk if there is a reward of any kind.
We built our real estate business largely on passion and excitement. We cared deeply, and people could tell. They were attracted to that and knew we would go above and beyond for them. We even had clients become friends because of the connection we made.
For a while, I have lost that intensity, but I am finding it again. Yes, I am risking disappointment if I care very much, but I have to care! A life of going through the motions just to avoid some potential hurt is just not a great life.
So, to those who are important to me and feeling neglected, I apologize. I have missed some family functions. Know that I have truly MISSED them!
The human connection and personal interaction that we have had in the past wasn't about the things we were doing or the props we had on hand, it was about the individuals involved, and I am grateful to be reminded of that again.
Let's remember the good times we have had, and plan some more for the future!
All the Best!
Jim
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